Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Reasons For Intervention In Syria

Tomorrow, (Thursday August 28th 2013), David Cameron and his funny little bald friend will present to the House Of Commons the reasons why the British government want to attack Syria.  In a memo, leaked by a backbench Tory MP with a small majority, Cameron and Hague bullet point the case for war.  Said bullet points are reproduced below.

  • The catastrophic failure of Osborne's economic plan is becoming increasingly difficult to hide underneath false statistics, so we need a better distraction.
  • Arms manufacturers, major donors to the Conservative Party, are demanding a massive handout of tax-payer funding.
  • Our good friends and donors in Saudi Arabia, Qatar and Bahrain are worried that a peaceful solution to conflict in Syria may encourage people to seek emancipation in those countries.
  • Lynton Crosby said so.
  • Israel, a persistent donor to individual Conservative MPs via sock puppets, wants an enhanced escalation of conflict in Syria in order to confuse its enemies and to help Israel's arms industry.
  • We have to show we have bigger dicks than France.